E.C.

Know what's annoying about cheese? Having to refrigerate it all the fuggin' time. I mean, it seems like every time I turn around, there's cheese - on the kitchen counter, on the dash of my car, on the shelf in the garage - that needs to be refrigerated. Ugh! Why won't someone make this problem JUST GO AWAY?

[glittery trinkling noises, followed by a puff of smoke, which clears to reveal a can of Easy Cheese (c)]

Disembodied Narrator: BUT IT HAS GONE AWAY. KRAFT EASY CHEESE HAS BEEN SOLVING THE FUGGIN' REFRIGERATION-OF-CHEESE DILEMMA FOR OVER FORTY - YES, FORTY - WHOLE YEARS! BECAUSE IT NEVER GOES BAD AND IS SUPER-SPREADABLE, CAN YOU REALLY AFFORD TO GO ANOTHER MINUTE WASTING TIME - AND MONEY - BY NOT PURCHASING EASY CHEESE? SO WHY NOT ENJOY A CAN RIGHT NOW? IT'S GODDAMN CHEESE-TASTIC! CHEESE-TASTIC I SAID!!!

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Ahem. For those who are interested (and you all should be), the following is what should be performance art, but is in fact the bizarre history of Easy Cheese (a.k.a. "Snack Mate"). I lifted this from wikipedia. Um...so...thanks, wikipedia:

History

Easy Cheese was originally marketed by Nabisco in 1966 under the name Snack Mate. After the merger of Kraft and Nabisco in 1988, the product was renamed Easy Cheese. It is sold in the United States, where it is usually served on crackers. Ritz Crackers in particular, another Kraft Foods product, are heavily cross-promoted with Easy Cheese.

It is available in several flavors, including American cheese, mild and sharp cheddar, Swiss, nacho, and bacon & cheddar. The bacon & cheddar flavor used to contain tiny chunks of bacon, which easily clogged the can's nozzle. Kraft Foods has since reworked the recipe to omit the bacon particles in favor of bacon flavoring. In 2007, Kraft began producing a cream cheese variety of Easy Cheese.

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