Jon-Dog Versus The World

The Gods of the Internet have spoken. And they've said "Today, you will be unable to upload photographs to your blog." Why is that so disappointing to me right now? Probably because I'm a control freak & I spaz out when computers don't work right. The fact that computers are as mysterious and baffling to me as a Speak n' Spell would be to a howler monkey doesn't help.

I have no idea how these things work. Not even the most primitive understanding. Vaccuum cleaners I get. Toaster ovens? Sure. I even get cars, to some degree. But every time I turn on my laptop, it's like Maori magic. It's like spotting Nessie. It's astral projection, UFO's, and every episode of In Search Of, in my very own living room. And when photos don't upload, it's like the Gods are against me. Maybe I should sacrifice a goat...or pray for deliverance. (It's raining, by the way, and has been for a couple days now.) Here's a video of Mr. Rogers breakin' instead:

Anyway, and speaking of The Gods' opposition, apparently, in order to collect unemployment, the bureaucrats want me to "keep a record" of the many, many places I'm applying for jobs so that I can get off unemployment ASAP, which makes no sense, since obviously I'd rather get paid for not working than working. (Duh.) Should I tell them that, in search of a lucrative record deal, I sent a demo tape of my rap music stylings to Time Warner? Why not? Click below to hear, in 3-D stereophonic surround sound, my latest battle rap. It's called Jon-Dog Versus The World. (Fans of Deadwood and Donnie Darko may recognize a sample or two in this amazing battle rap.)