In case writing, filmmaking, and psychotherapy never generate enough income for me to subsist, I figure I cd make a good go of it as an ultraconservative war cartoonist. I know I sort of missed my window as regards cashing in on the WTC attack. Who knows, though? Maybe there'll be another one. What if the terrorists attack on the day of the grand opening of whatever new building/memorial/mega-scraper they're building at Ground Zero? What if they crash a whole fleet of jets armed with atomic bombs and just annihilate lower Manhattan? Man, that'd be the ultimate insult to Uncle Sam. I guess it'd be more than just an insult, though...it'd be the countdown to Armageddon. Whatever, I'm not splitting hairs.
If the Taliban and their scourge of fundamentalist, neocolonialism-hating brethren do win the Ultimate Battle, I guess what's left of the infidels will all be converting to fundamentalist Islam. They'll place a minaret atop the statue of liberty and make alcohol and barbecue illegal. All meat will be halal, and women will at last be subjugated once and for all. I gotta be honest, I loathe neocolonialism as much as the next stay-at-home daddy. And the U.S. is certainly leading the pack. But damn, I'd make a piss poor fundamentalist or even orthodox Muslim. I know because I've already tried. I'm too postmodern, too indulgent, and too resentful of authority. I prefer God dispersed into the Void of Zen, the melting heart of Bhakti, or just good ol' American 'one world at a time' Transcendentalism. That's just me, though. What do I know?
Well, I know that if Osama & his boys win - and rest assured he'll keep trying - I probably won't last long enough to even hate being forced into Islam. Them dudes will take one look at this blog, find this post, and say 'WTF, man? We thought you were down!' And I'll reply, 'Yeah, Malik, but I drew that picture before my conversion.' And they'll be all, 'Thass cool, but wait - Is that alcohol and (sniff) pork I smell on your breath?' And as the swarthy scourge draw their glistening scimitars, I'll go out trying to argue some point about how I'm really not down with neocolonialism, like, 'Come on guys, you know me. I'm the Jon-dog...'