Stolen Bicycle Land

I'm currently at Iowa City's Java House, where a large portrait of William Carlos Williams is staring me down. And you can laugh about this if you want to...but would you even believe me if I told you that yellow bike has now been stolen as well? Indeed. That makes two bikes in one week. Both plowed under in the mud of ephemera. Unlike red bike, yellow bike was actually stolen from our home a couple nights ago. So it goes, right? So it g.d. goes...

Our remaining bicycle - blue bike - will soon be padlocked to our little garage out back. If I were to lose blue bike to the thievin' bastards of Iowa City, it might be too much for me to bear. A major blow to morale that could be easily avoided by hoarding one's property. Wait, did I just utter the history of Western Civilization?

It's important to keep your home safe. And so this weekend, while people were stealing bikes off my front porch, I was designing and installing a stairwell gate for our home. Made solely out of scavenged material (except for the hardware), this bad boy's built to last...and to keep my tot from teetering down the flight of stairs that empties up into our living room from the front door.

Here's how I made it: I pre-drilled pilot holes into the drywall and studs, then lag-bolted two plates on either side of the stairwell, countersinking the bolts. After that, I attached hinges to a futon frame I found on the side of the road and cut down into a gate with non-climbable vertical slats. Then I hung those onto the plates. A standard safety hook n' eye latches the gate together on the opposite side of our living room (out of view and graspability of Eleanor's little curiosity-paws). I tested this gate out extensively. It ain't going nowhere. It will outlast you, me, and all the stolen bikes of Stolen Bicycle Land. (So there, thieves!)