Eli

Potty training: It sounds harder than it actually is. Basically, it means letting your kid self-direct and figure the whole Toilet Deal out themselves, in a pressure-free environment. People make such a big deal out of it, but I have no idea why.

According to Freud, the "oral" stage of development is followed by the "anal" developmental stage. This stage is marked by a child's experimentation with his/her boundaries, power, & control. The bowels (and their function) are a representation/extension of the psycho-physical navigation of these themes. If all goes well, a child learns when and how to express themselves in ways that are healthy and socially acceptable. And, yes, they also learn how to use the crapper.

I remember once, in third grade, I sat next to a kid named Eli. Well, Eli had told Miss Gill three, maybe four times already that he had to pee bad, but, you know, Miss Gill didn't want anybody to go to the bathroom for some unknown reason, and was dead set against it. So she said, "You'll just have to hold it until after class, Eli" all stern and cold. So, about a minute later, with tears in his eyes, Eli pissed his pants, right there in the chair. And the other kids laughed and shrieked as piss ran down his legs, into his shoes, and all over his textbooks. Eli was sobbing now: His mom had died of cancer about a week earlier. Now this.

And so the question often arises: What is wrong with the world? When did it all get so bad? Well, the way I see it, the world broke in 1982 when Miss Gill made Eli piss himself.