Clever Bird

I had an idea for a Jewish horror movie called Dybbuk II: The Davening. 

Madre

Mother of Tank Girl.

T.G.

My youngest daughter is Tank Girl.

The Arrangement (again)

[First Time Around.]

Enjoying

Because I know I will never be very good at it, it lets me relax and enjoy doing it...

Gorey

Gorey knows what's up.

The Household Poetry of Chogyie, II

"The inquisitive monkey awakens from his blackout, but he does not awaken completely." -CTSM, 2002 ed., p. 129

Business + Pleasure

1. Be professional: just because you know what sort of underwear they are wearing, does not mean you can't be professional in the office. Between 9 and 5, romance must appear to be the last thing on your mind. Maintain a work like demeanor at all times - avoid touching, lingering looks, or intimate conversations. If anything, give your partner a wider berth than other colleagues.

2.Arrange a place to rendezvous: Set times and places to meet where you know you will get some privacy. Arrange your rendezvous like an MI5 agent: plan cover stories, arrive from different directions and think about escape routes. An empty stairwell, where you can hear people coming, is preferable to a stationary cupboard, where you can be easily caught unawares.

3. If meeting after hours pick a place far from your work location, you will be easily spotted in the pub on the corner. Remember to travel there separately, nothing will arouse suspicion more than the 2 of you leaving together.

4. Don't leave any evidence: this can be anything from an undeleted email, to lipstick marks, to misplaced underwear. Cover your tracks at all times. If you have had a quick fumble in the photocopy room, make sure everything is in place before you return to your desk (and that you haven't made any copies.) Avoid sending emails through the company system as it will only be a matter of time before one gets accidentally sent to Matt in accounts. And never commit the ultimate sin - turning up to work in the same clothes two days in a row. This is a sure fire sign that you didn't make it home the night before, and will start rumors before you can say 'scandalous'

5. Head off the gossip: at some point, someone will start to get suspicious. Quell any gossip surrounding you and your amour by ruthlessly starting more salacious rumors.

6. If you decide to have an extended lunch break, always ask permission from your boss first and only if your boss says it's OK. If anyone asks why you are having an extended lunch break, say everything else, e.g. I have a lot of flex-it-ime and I need to use it and I'm going to have a little longer mooching in town and shopping. If you are asked did you see X? be honest but brief with an answer such as Yes I did, but don't tell them every little detail what you and X did, talked about etc. All in all keep extended lunch breaks to every now and then - If done frequently it can cause your boss, other people and the gossips to cotton on.

7. Do not show public displays of affection. It is best to leave kisses and hugs when the two of you are on your own, there is no-one else approaching, hearing and when the two of you are outside work and outside work hours (e.g. both of you are at home, on leave, on flexi day). Don't give the nosy parkers and/or the gossips any ammunition. Plus you never know who could spread the news to your colleagues and/or your boss when you are not about do you?

8. Remember - professionalism and discretion in the workplace is key. Make VERY sure that the coast is clear, that is meaning your colleagues, boss and especially the gossips are NOT around, whether it's in the work premises or outside the work premises. (Danger - You never know who is watching or the risk of your boss/colleages/gossips seeing you two and you never know who might tell on you when you are not around do you?)

-from wikihow.com, "How To Have A Secret Office Romance," 12/11

The Household Poetry of Chogyie

"We become vegatarians and we become this & that. There are so many things to become." - Cutting Through Spiritual Materialism, 2002 edition, p. 78

Phone Tactics

1. Avoid just going "yes, no, uh-huh, bye." Instead, picture a friend on the other line of the phone, and make up a conversation in your head. For instance, picture your friend going: "So, how did [insert event here] go?" and answer.

2. Change your facial expression occasionally. It will look like you are actually "hearing" something.

3. Try to add in some actions and movements, so it seems that you're really talking and trying to explain/express something to the "opposite side."

4. Don't forget to pause. This is important. You would stop talking and listen when your friend is really talking to you on the phone, wouldn't you? Try to fill your pauses by making up your friends response in your head. This will ensure that your pauses are long enough to be believable.

5.Try to remember an earlier conversation you had with a friend. Then, reenact it. Imagine your friend saying what he/she said earlier, and come up with a response.

6. You might want to turn on your ringtone and/or record a pre-made conversation earlier. You can also listen to some of your voicemails and react to them as if they are a real life conversation.

Tips:

* When you are pretending to talk to your friend, pretend to talk about something you actually do or are familiar with.
* If you are having this "phone conversation" in front of someone, don't keep glancing at them.
* Relax. You probably aren't tense when really chatting with a friend, so why should you be tense now?
* If you can fluently speak a foreign language, that's even better. Make sure you still talk about normal things, on the off-chance someone around you speaks the language.
* Give some hand movements as if you trying to explain something. Don't look at anyone to see if they looking at you or not.
* Pretending to be interrupted can be a great asset to your phone-pretending antics. Saying "Yeah, I know but you- I know just listen for a second we-" will help convince people that you're actually talking to someone.
* Don't dial an actual number or have the "conversation" when the number you dialed goes (as expected) to someone else's voice mail. The person who hears this one way conversation in their voice mail could very well come out and expose the ruse you created landing you in, possibly, more trouble then if you were caught faking in the middle of you one way conversation.

-from Wikihow.com, "How To Pretend You Are Talking On The Phone," 11.27.11